"I'M GOING TO POST A F******* COMMENT!"
You know, writing this blog has it's pros and cons....pros include immediate gratification, compliments from friends and strangers, the occasional proposal for gratuitous sex from a rabid female and the ability to write pretty much whatever I want without fear of getting rapped on the knuckles by my 5th grade teacher. Cons include the lack of feedback after a particularly hard day of writing, wacky suggestions and the occasional bitchfest from a smart-assed blog reader.
That being said, I came across an article that pretty much sums up all of the dumb/asinine comments I occasionally get (thanks to Big Ed):
This was the stupidest article I’ve ever read! I don’t understand this stupid fucking article! This is the unfunniest article ever written! I think this author sucks!
I’m going to make sure this author knows he sucks when I post my comment. I sure hope the author of this shitty article reads my comment! I’m so pissed. I can’t believe I wasted four minutes of my life reading this shitty article!
“Arrrgggh!” See, that’s me being pissed! That’s how pissed off I am!
This author was totally unoriginal! I hate this author so much and this shitty article that I just read. I’m so pissed that if I had a BB gun, I’d shoot that squirrel sitting on that tree limb outside with it! I fucking hate squirrels! They piss me off just about as much as this god damn article!
God, I’m rubbing my taint right now with coco butter scented lotion, in excitement, just thinking about how awesome my comment is going to be at the bottom of this article!
I’m so much funnier than this stupid shitty author. I lost the title in high school for “class clown” by only four votes! That’s how funny I am! I could write something so much funnier than this. As a matter of fact, I’m going to post a funny comment. Better yet, I’m going to use the author’s material, and write a better and funnier article that makes no sense, as a comment!
I hope the author reads my comment. I should make a comment about this author having no life, or maybe comment about the author having a small cock, or his inability to ever have a successful writing career!!! I bet this author will care greatly about my comment! I’m going to tell him to never write another article…ever! I bet I make the author fucking cry! I can’t believe this author tried doing something different. What the fuck were they thinking? I hated this article because I didn’t get it! This was so unfunny! Watch me leave a comment!
I take to heart everything I read on this website! I don’t understand the fact that the authors on this website are just having fun! I can’t get that through my fucking head! I hated this article that damn much!
I just peed a little thinking of the perfect comment to leave!
My comment is going to be so awesome I don’t even need to spell check it!
Everyone is going to see my comment and know how much better I am than the asshole author that wrote this shitty article. I hope everyone reads my comment and understands how awesome I am! I’m fucking awesome! I bet so many people will think that I’m awesome that they’ll make a comment from the comment I just wrote!
I’m going to leave this website because I need to take my lunch break now.
The first thing I’ll do when I come back from lunch is get back onto the Phat Phree website, read my awesome comment again for the fifth time, and check to see how many other people made comments about how shitty and stupid this unfunny article was. I’m going to end up checking back twelve to nineteen times just to read my awesome comment before I leave here today!
God, I’m still so pissed!!! I can’t believe I read the whole fucking article! I have no idea what the word farcical means!
When I get home tonight, I’m going to check this website again! I might even make another comment when I get home, using a different name and email address, that’s how pissed off I am about this author and their shitty article!
Tomorrow morning, the first thing I’m going to do is check back on this shitty website to read any comments people might have made while I slept last night! After that I’m going to then make more comments about all the new shitty articles I just spent my morning reading on this god damned fucking shitty website! (thanks again to Big Ed for contributing the article)
Have you numbnuts had a chance to click on any of those "ad" thingys on the left side of the page? If you haven't, feel free to do so. At this rate, i'll get enough clicks to earn myself a new keyboard by 2009. WTF.....
BTW, I'll be around during the day TODAY, if you want to stop by and chat about life's little quarks. I won't even charge you for the session- just for the beer.
WEEKEND HAPPENINGS:
Saturday, April 23: NFL DRAFT/ KICK THE KEG SATURDAYS. Stop by and catch the NFL Draft on the big screen while enjoying Kick the Keg Saturday at Third and Long. From 12-8pm, all beers on tap are $2....UNTIL THE KEG KICKS (at which that particular brand reverts back to its original price). Also note for you NASCAR Fans- this week's race is on Saturday night, not Sunday. You also have the NBA playoffs starting this weekend.
Sunday, April 24: "Chillout Sundays" are back. We offer $3.00 domestic pints and $5 Cosmos/Appletinis/ Fuzzy Martinis/ Frozen Margaritas ALL DAY LONG. Bring the Times, a board game or just "chillout" w/your friends and wile the hours away.....
NUFF SAID
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