Wednesday, July 13, 2005

"X" MARKS THE SPOT....

It's been a while since we had a MADAME X posting on the blog. It's also been a while since there was a NAPOLEON DYNAMITE posting. And it's definately been some time since there was a posting involving the two of them... Well, that's about to change.

Yesterday I found myself manning the post on a typical Tuesday doubleshift. The afternoon was slower than normal and after taking care of the prep work for the bar, by 3pm I was so bored out of my mind that I found myself participating in the Fly-Swatting Olympics, just to kill time.

At that point, our friend MADAME X comes strolling in. She greets the BEARDED OLD MAN (a dollar draft regular), shakes my hand, and plops her butt onto a stool. She orders a Bud Light draft, and as soon as I serve her, she takes a sip and gives me a serious gas face.

MX: "AH, EXCUSE ME...THIS BEER TASTES BROKEN"....

SF: "EXCUSE ME? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BROKEN?"

MX: "YES, LIKE SOUR MILK...."

Now I know that the beer is fine, because I just tapped a fresh keg and served at least six beers without complaints. So I go to the other Bud Light tap and pour her another beer and she was satisfied with that.... About a half hour later, I serve her another beer from the first tap and I can feel the piercing heat from her glare as I bring her the beer...this time she doesn't even take a sip when she remarks again that the beer tastes "broken". So I go back to the second tap and pour her another draft (now keep in mind that both taps pour from the SAME keg), and she looked relieved and enjoyed her draft. Now at this point I'm getting annoyed. I don't know if there was some kind of voodoo placed on the first tap, but it clearly bothered her whenever I drew from it. Luckily for me, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE came in to take her mind off of things....

Now for those of you who aren't in the loop, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE happens to be one of our more "colorful" patrons at Third and Long. And he is a character in his own right. Now whenever these two get together, there seems to be a type of "magic" that happens. She definately has an attraction for him, and he, while he claims that he has no interest in her, i'm sure there's a hint of curiosity on his part about her. In any case, whenever they get together, the results are rather comical. And on this day, the hijinx continued, thanks to yours truly.

As soon as NAPOLEON sat down next to her, I began to egg her on by saying that he missed her around the bar and that he talks about her all the time. She seemed pleased to hear that and began to massage his shoulders and chest. NAPOLEON gave me the look that could kill an elephant and I did all that I could do to keep from laughing.
She said that she missed him too and was happy to see him. He then asked her if she had a boyfriend. Interestingly enough, she said that she had a few; when I asked her how many, she declined to get into specifics...hmmm....wonder what that means? I asked her if she was willing to make NAPOLEON one of her "boyfriends", and she said that she would be delighted, at which point she started to massage what looked to be his thigh area....I could have sworn I saw him blush... He all of a sudden jumped up to take a cell phone call...lol! The look on his face was priceless! She soon excused herself and bid everyone adieu. As soon as she left, NAPOLEON cursed me out and went back to drinking, like nothing ever happened. He acted like he was pissed but I think he secretly enjoys it when she rubs up on him. Egads!

Last night was a pretty good night for a Tuesday; while it wasn't "slamming" to the point where you couldn't move, it was a strong, steady showing all night long. We especially had a nice number of interns as well as a pretty strong showing of women, which is always nice. I also noticed in particular, a rather attractive group of young ladies from Kansas and Nebraska. I asked one of the group members (MORGAN was her name), if they were tourists and she said that they were nannies and were out on the town for the night. The bulk of them worked in N.J. and Long Island and they try to get together at least once a week to hang out. She said that they liked the bar b/c of Dollar Drafts and that NYC was so expensive. So I have a feeling that we'll be seeing more of them in the near future. *grrrrrowl*

I think the TOUCHDOWN CLUB was supposed to get together for dinner today, however, I get the feeling that my fellow members forget to read the memo.... *sigh* I can't wait for football season.

Tonight is IPOD NIGHT at Third and Long. The premise is simple: If you have an IPOD, bring it in and sign up for a block of time w/the bartender and you get to share your favorite tunes with the bar. No more being at the mercy of the bar's playlist- now you get to call the shots! We have all of the necessary equipment to hook you up and you simply plug and play! There will be drink specials all night for everyone and look at it as a nice change of pace from the usual. The fun begins at 7pm!

NUFF SAID