Wednesday, August 3, 2005

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD...

Yesterday was another interesting Tuesday for yours truly at Third and Long. Most people figure that all of the action takes place at night. But I can attest to the fact that a lot of the funny things happen during the day. Case in point:

It's a lazy afternoon and I'm prepping the bar for the evening rush. I was joined by Mr. Tanqueray (who was filling me in on his recent long weekend road trip), Liberace (a semi-regular who is probably the oldest active queen i've ever met), and another customer, who happend to be spending his lunch hour engrossed by the day-to-day happenings of the Young and the Restless (and it pains me to say that).

Around this time I noticed a rather sharp looking African-American lady across the street, walking towards the bar. So of course, I motion to the guys to check her out (it's a guy thing, that's what we do), expecting her to walk by. Instead, she walks right into the bar. So I'm thinking that maybe she's going to ask to use the restroom (we usually don't get too many ladies stopping by for cocktails during the day). She blows right in, like a whirlwind, laughing and shouting "WOOOOOO! I JUST CAME FROM THE SEAFOOD STORE AND I WAS DANCING ON THE COUNTER!" We all look at each other, trying to figure out what she was talking about. And of course, i'm thinkin' "she better not even think about jumpin up on the bar!" She was dressed in a black tank top and a form-fitting denim skirt; hair pulled back in a stylish bun. She definately looked pretty hot (i'll call her SEXUAL CHOCOLATE).... but something wasn't quite right about her. Ms. CHOCOLATE asked for a Stella and a shot of Jager, then proceeded to tell us her life story, starting with her travels from Missouri and how she made it to the Big Apple, yada yada yada... She then began drifting in her stories, from her upbringing to sharing with us the fact that she wasn't wearing any underwear ("IT'S TOO HOT FOR PANNIES! I AIN'T WEARING ANY PANNIES YA'LL!"). So of course, I have my "WTF" face on, as well as everyone else and it's becoming more comical by the moment. Even LIBERACE was startled by her presence- and it's usually him who does the startling. At one point she went up to Mr. YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS and told him that it was her birthday. He asked her how old she was, kidding with her by saying she looked seventeen. She then shot back: "SHEEEET! THIS P**** AIN'T BEEN SEVENTEEN IN A LONG TIME!" I could have sworn Mr. Tanqueray almost spit out his drink at that moment. Priceless. She babbled on for a few more minutes before deciding that she wasn't going to get the attention she deserved, so she moved on. Not before announcing that she has the sweet black stuff and that she knew that we wanted some. After she left, you could hear a pin drop, we were so stunned at what happened. I think even the soap opera characters on TV were stunned by what took place. After a brief silence, we all cracked up in hysterics. You can't make this stuff up.

Dollar Draft Madness was another strong night on a number of levels. There was a very strong female presence at the bar last night, which is always nice. The fact that the female/male ratio stayed pretty balanced was even better, considering the fact that the dollar drafts tend to draw out a strong male turnout. Nothing's worse than a sausage fest, I always say. There was another funny encounter between the LADY IN BLACK (who was sporting a rather sexy summer dress, btw) and MR. BLIND DATE (who's just simply clueless on a number of levels). He'd just gotten back from yet another blind date and came in to brag about his conquest, when he saw THE LADY IN BLACK...he immediately became tongue-tied and jittery. He's always had a thing for her and it drives him crazy that she won't give him the time of day. He would try to make small talk and she would basically look right through him and go on about her business. Eventually he got the hint and left, at which point we began to chuckle. I'd actually feel bad for him if he didn't creep me out so much.

I also found myself turning away quite a few underaged brats trying to get in for some cold drafts. It's pretty comical to see what lengths people would go through just to get into a bar. I had a kid who obviously tried to use his brother's ID. The licence said that he was 6'3", yet he was no taller than me and i'm 5'7" (on a good day)....I had another girl who had a NYS licence that was so bad that she took it away before I even had a chance to reject her....she basically rejected herself. lol. Ah...a few more weeks before the kiddies go back to school.

TONIGHT: There will be a special $10 all-you-can-drink BUD/BUD LIGHT/BUD SELECT SPECIAL from 7:30-9:30pm. Mention that you saw the special on the blog and you are good to go! It's also ANGRY BLACK's birthday so if you are in the neighborhood at around 8pm, stop by and wish him a happy happy... maybe he won't be so angry then. I'll be there, much to the chagrin of another angry little man, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, who seems to be a bit teed off that I have to work tonite. Sorry little man, what can I say? Duty calls.

Don't forget, it's IPOD NIGHT, so bring your IPOD, share your tunes and catch the FIRELADY behind the stick!

NUFF SAID