Monday, October 31, 2005


Sunday was a beautiful sunny day, perfect for what was in store for us at Third and Long. First of all, it's Football Sunday, which means tons of great football action for all. Secondly, we were expecting a rare visit from MR. TANQUERAY, who almost never leaves his humble abode on the weekends. Also scheduled to grace us with his presence was SUPERFLY SHAFT, a close friend of MR. TANQUERAY and the MAYOR OF MURRAY HILL (who, unfortunately, did not make the festivities). And if that wasn't enough to whet your appetite, today was the day that we say farewell to our own HASH BROWNIE, who is moving back to sunny Florida after four years in the BIG APPLE. My gut feeling told me that this would be a bawdy, fun afternoon.

MR. TANQUERAY was the first to arrive, which is par for the course, as he is the first to arrive on most days. He settled in, ordered a drink and waited for everyone to arrive. I could tell that he was eager to see what goes on at 3 & L on Sundays, as he'd only heard about the hi-jinx via urban legend. A few minutes later, AFRIKA BAMBATTA arrived and slowly but surely, the troops started to file in: GOLDIE....T-BILL...MASTER THESPIAN....NAPOLEON DYNAMITE...HIS SPECIAL LADY FRIEND (with a cute little friend of her own, grrrrowl!) SUPERFLY SHAFT....MR. LOW KEY...THE PEANUT GALLERY... and soon enough, HASH BROWNIE and ANGEL, dressed appropriately enough, in their costumes from the night before. Speaking of costumes, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE, arrived dressed as NAPOLEON BONAPARTE. Hilarious would be an understatement, let me tell you. Pictures do not lie. He not only wore the pretty funny looking uniform, but also took on his persona, one of a loud-mouth jackass, barking orders every five minutes to anyone who'd listen. Pretty funny stuff.

As the afternoon went on, the booze started flowing and the hi-jinx began. Between NAPOLEON's antics, AFRIKA'S button-pushing, HASH-BROWNIE'S flashing and tons of laughter, everyone was having a good time. Even MR. TANQUERAY found himself letting his hair down and going with the flow of the day, which was good to see. MASTER THESPIAN could be seen surveying the "trim" content and no doubt there were a few that piqued his interest. Here are the top five memorable moments of my afternoon:

#5) The SWANFATHER being serenaded by the whole bar in a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday and downing a special cosmo for the occasion.

#4) NAPOLEON DYNAMITE looking in stunned disbelief (or drunken stupor, take your pick) as one of the members of the PEANUT GALLERY snuck off with his costume and put it on, dancing around the bar screaming "WHERE'S MY HAT?! WHERE'S MY HAT?!"

#3) HASH BROWNIE, CRIMSON CAMEL-TOE, ANGEL and NAPOLEON DYNAMITE sharing a good-bye hug outside of the bar, and NAPOLEON being NAPOLEON, couldn't keep himself from grabbing CRIMSON'S ass; although in all fairness, he could have been clutching at anything to keep from falling backwards due to his drunken state.

#2)CRIMSON CAMEL-TOE explaining the pro's and con's of KY JELLY to an attentive AFRIKA BAMBATTA and GOLDIE.

And for the #1 most memorable moment......

#1) NAPOLEON falling drunk on top of his lovely SPECIAL LADY FRIEND and needing assistance to get up. Priceless.

Other notables:

THE SWANFATHER feeling like MOSES at the edge of the Promised Land when HASH BROWNIE took him to the stairwell for a private showing of her "smooth landing strip".....

NAPOLEON taking a crap and fumigation the whole basement.

CRIMSON CAMEL-TOE telling MR. LOW KEY to watch out or else she'd "SHOVE A CHICKEN WING UP HIS ASS"....

MR.YOU KNOW THE DRILL ripping my sweatpants down to my ankles as I was engaged in a deep conversation on the other side of the bar with a group of people... (you bastid)!

Toward the end of the afternoon, folks started to wax nostalgic and getting sentimental; tears started to flow like Niagara Falls. Even yours truly felt a bit misty as the thought of the wild child leaving us was starting to hit home. While the HASH BROWNIE girl was indeed one for the books, she definitely left her mark with the Third and Long family, and she will be missed. I am sure we will still be in touch, but it won't be the same without her. May she have nothing but good luck in her new venture.

Whew. What a day! Plenty of other photos to follow....

Don't forget that HALLOWEEN is officially here! RED BULL DIVA and FIRE MARSHALL ED will be working behind the sticks for DOLLAR DRAFTS and surprise goodies! Be there or be square (I can't believe I just said that)!



Anonymous said...


What are you talking about? I'm never the first person there.

See you in 45 minutes.

Mr. Tanqueray

Anonymous said...

what r u talking about landing strip, that was all bald onion baby