Saturday, September 23, 2006

Rosh Hoshanah=RUSH-A-HOMA....

Friday night started out very quietly; at first no one could figure out why. It was a beautiful night out; the weather was very comfortable. It was Friday night and the end of the week, which by all rights, should have translated into lots of foot traffic both in the bar and on 3rd Avenue. However, Friday was unique in that it wasn't your typical Friday night. It turns out that Friday, September 22nd marked the beginning of Rosh Hoshanah, or the Jewish New Year. All practicing Jews are required to be at home or at temple by sundown for observation and this ritual lasts approximately two days. With Murray Hill having a large Jewish population, this would turn out to be a nice hit against the coffers of the businesses in the area.

And of course, by 9pm, the bar was desolate as well as the neighborhood. It felt like a Sunday night and the staff and I were worried. What if it stayed like this the whole night? Luckily, our fears were wiped away when by chance, a contingent of NYU Dental School students came in to unwind and have a few cocktails. They somehow use their "magnetic fields" to draw in more customers and next thing you know, the bar was all of a sudden, filled with patrons.

The usual cast of characters came by later on in the evening (BEN AFFLECK, JON CUSACK, STIFFLER and bar-probie, BONY) to check out the scene and after awhile, it looked as if everyone was having a good time. I started to feel comfortable in knowing that we would be able to salvage the night when a strange incident occured that immediately put me in a foul mood for the rest of the night. We also had yet another visit from former NY Met RON DARLING who was unwinding with a couple of friends after working the latest game for SNY TV at Shea Stadium.

(on a side note, I'm currently watching one of my favorite and most-underrated comedy films of all time- RUSHMORE. I often forget how funny this movie is....)

Around 2:30am, these two guys approached the bar. One guy was a balding, older looking geek, and the other, a rather tiny fellow (tiny = short), pock-marked face, clearly inebriated and trying to fit a slice of pizza in his mouth. Now I'm watching these two knuckleheads from outside and immediately determined that the tiny fella was too drunk to come in. I had already been watching another guy in the bar who was clearly drunk and had been cut off and I didn't want to have to baby-sit another drunk guy.

So I met the tiny fella at the door and told him that he wasn't coming in because he had too much to drink already. At first the guy and his geeky brother were cool about it. They asked why and I told them how I'd observed the tiny fella in his state of drunkenness and determined that he was unfit to come into the bar. The geeky older brother kept trying to lobby for his brother to get him in and each time I respectfully refused. As this went on, you could see the tiny fella's face become flush and he all of a sudden exploded in anger, as if he wanted to charge me. He began to shout obscenities at me and making claims about fighting in Iraq and that I should be thankful that he was there to save our country (meanwhile I'm thinking to myself and biting my tongue "Hey buddy-I didn't tell you to go there! You went to Iraq on your own!"). As he's trying to push my buttons by calling me names, I notice BEN AFFLECK outside (he'd been outside smoking a cigarette). He steps in front of me and tries to calm down the little fella and his geeky brother. Now I'm getting pissed to the point where I feel my hands shaking. Inside I want to wack the little fella upside the head with my flashlight, as I can feel the prick pushing my buttons. At the same time, I notice other patrons and regulars surrounding me, and having my back in case things got ugly. As the little fella continued to try and charge at me, BEN AFFLECK would simply catch him and carry him away. It was actually kinda funny.

At this point I see a cop car passing by. I flashed my light at them and motioned for them to come over. Then the attitude of the geeky guy and his little fella changed and they tried to play like they were the innocent victims. One of them made a comment to the police that implied that I harassed them and at that point I went off on them. BEN AFFLECK had to actually calm me down as the cops forced the geek and the tiny fella to leave. I think I may have startled MR. AFFLECK, as I don't think he's ever seen me lose my temper. Oh well....

That was pretty much the highlight of the night as the rest of the evening went smoothly and everyone that decided to come out had a good time. On a side note, the bar probie BONY officially earned his stripes and has been granted official status of a regular at Third and Long. For now on, BONY will now be affectionately known as BONE-THUG.

BONY a.k.a. BONE-THUG....

SATURDAY: "Kick the Keg" Saturdays are in effect today with $2.00 mugs, ALL BEERS ON TAP (until the keg kicks), from 12noon - 8pm.

And don't forget about FANTASY FOOTBALL SUNDAY, sponsored by Coors Light! All NFL games on TV (via NFL SUNDAY TICKET); Free food buffet at halftime and the COORS LIGHT MODELS will entertain us with drink specials and giveaways all afternoon! Join the SUNDAY BREW CREW for an afternoon of football, fun and hi -jinx! It WILL be a memorable afternoon!


NUFF SAID