Every once in a while I feel it necessary to make a public service announcement for my blog readers to help them out with the everyday obstacles of life. Today is no exception.
Last night, while working a rather mundane shift at the bar, I couldn't help but notice that some of the male regulars were more bent up for a hook-up than usual. I don't know if it was a full-moon or if they had too-many Miller Lites or a Red Bull/Vodka speedball or what; but there was definitely some bubbling testosterone in the air. And while we were lacking for quality chicks to help ease the situation, I've given it some thought and this is what I recommend if this type of urge happens to kick in again: (it goes a little something like this)
“Hey whatr you up to”
That was a text I sent at 4:12 am, Saturday morning. The person didn’t recognize the number. Almost immediately they texted back, “Who is this?”
This was the beginning of a MASS BOOTY TEXT. I don't know who invented that trick, but the mass text is one of the tried and true tools for getting laid on nights when the bars are full of ugly.
You see, when someone is in need of sexual healing, turn to your phone, which may just be the richest resource of ready and willing poon-tang in all of N.Y.C. Simply type something really generic like, “Hey, what’s going on?” and then send it out to every piece of tail in your phone that you wouldn’t mind plooking that night. You'll typically get four or five responses (unless you're BONEY, at which you may get a return call from a distant cousin) and then choose the hottest of those. Now it doesn't always garner results, but it's just like fishing, some days you are going to catch a lot of fish, other days, you'll catch none.
(Ladies, the MASS BOOTY TEXT works even better for you, as there will always be an available list of guys willing to hook up with you)
But be forwarned... Do not execute the MASS BOOTY TEXT unless you are prepared with an escape plan afterwards. Go to the place of the lucky person- don't have them come to yours. Much easier to leave when all is said and done, as opposed to have to deal with the embarassment and awkwardness of having that person at your place in the morning. Also, don't include known headcases in your MASS BOOTY TEXT list. Not worth the drama. This include "recycling projects". You know who they are- former flames that still allow for the occasional booty hit every once in a while with the hopes that you'll rekindle that flame. There's a reason why they are a former flame. Remember that before contacting them. Like I said, not worth the drama.
As always, protect yourself and the lucky winner of the MASS BOOTY TEXT, and good luck next time you find yourself in a dry spell on a Friday night.
NUFF SAID
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