Friday, November 9, 2007

NIGHT OF THE AMAZON WOMEN....

What a weird night. It was very cold outside, which made things slow for the bar. And of course, when the bar is slow, you get to notice the little things that take place around the bar. For example:

My roommate FRENCHY was bartending with THE ITALIAN STALLION last night. At one point, this couple was hanging out in the front of the bar. The guy was this large, beefy looking individual; almost caveman-like. She, on the other hand, looked like this amazon of a woman: very tall, thick (but not fat), and had rather large hands. Long strawberry blondish hair and while her face wasn't THAT bad, she had this wandering eye thing going on that kinda freaked me out a bit. My roommate thought that she may have been a "trannie", but who knows for sure.

So the couple were sitting in the corner, talking and canoodling when FRENCHY walked over to them and asked if they wanted to refresh their drinks. The woman turned to him and said to him: "Hey, did anyone ever tell you that you look just like JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE?" FRENCHY gave her a cheesy smile and of course, I began to laugh. She then proceeded to call him JT throughout the course of the night. I think she even wanted to get her some FRENCHY lovin' if it wasn't for her caveman-boyfriend hovering over her all night long. At one point, a JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE song came on and the poor girl just about freaked out, screaming out his name and pointing at FRENCHY, who was about ready to crawl under the bar at that point. Scary but funny. At least she was nice.

Moving on, FRENCHY had an encounter with yet another blond amazon; This one was the opposite of the first in that she was a rude bitch from hell. Now I recognized this chick as one who used to come in years ago with a friend and back then, whenever they would come in, they would almost ALWAYS hook up and leave with different guys. Whatever. But the one thing that stood out with her was her attitude. She always had this "stank" attitude, where she thought she was better than everyone, which was odd, seeing that she had no reason to. She wasn't the least bit pretty (more like a cover-girl for BUTTAFACE); She brought absolutely nothing to the table: no looks, poor attitude, buttaface, etc. Just a cranky bitch.

So when she came in with a friend, the first thing that came in my mind was "Great, the Bitch on Wheels is back.". Sure enough, she goes over to the bar with her friend and immediately sits in the seat of a patron who happened to step away to go to the bathroom.

FRENCHY: "Excuse me, but there are people sitting there already."

BUTTAFACE: "Oh really? Whatever." And then she began moving the patron's things and sat in the seat anyway. We want a Bud Light and a vodka/Red Bull.

So FRENCHY gives her a "french face" (a frown), and proceeds to make the drinks. He grabs a pint glass and begins putting ice in it when BUTTAFACE interrupts him.

BUTTAFACE: "Um, excuse me- but what do you think you're doing? "

FRENCHY: "I'm getting your vodka/Red Bull".

BUTTAFACE: "I don't want it in a pint glass".

FRENCHY: "Well, we usually serve our vodka/Red Bull in a pint glass."

BUTTAFACE: "Well, I'm a lady and I want mine in a regular drink glass."

FRENCHY rolls his eyes and dumps the ice into a regular drink glass and begins pouring the vodka and the Red Bull.

BUTTAFACE: "Um.... What are you doing? That's too much Red Bull. I normally take three quarters vodka and one quarter Red Bull.", (in a snotty tone).

FRENCHY: (in an even snottier tone) "Well, here we do half and half". That will be $13 dollars."

BUTTAFACE: (incredulously) $13 dollars?! How much is the Bud Light?"

FRENCHY: "Five bucks."

BUTTAFACE: "Five dollars for a Bud Light? You've got to be kidding! This isn't a hoity-toity place, it's Third and Long! There's no way a Bud Light costs five dollars here!"

FRENCHY: "I want you to tell me where in Manhattan are you going to pay less that five bucks for a Bud Light on a regular night! (his voice starting to raise) I don't think so! Maybe you should go to a hoity-toity place then."

BUTTAFACE: (her face twisted up) "Well, I don't want it. I'm not paying five dollars for a Bud Light!"

FRENCHY: "Well, how about a glass of water? That's free."

BUTTAFACE: "Yes, thank you".

FRENCHY: "Since you don't seem to like our prices, I think you should leave. Go to a hoity-toity spot instead."

She ignored him, but ultimately left with her friend when she realized that no guys were paying attention to them. Good riddance. Pretty funny stuff.

TONIGHT: After-Work Happy Hour (5pm-10pm): All Beers, Mixed Well Drinks and House Wines, $4.00.

SATURDAY: "Kick the Keg Saturdays" (12pm-8pm): $2.00 mugs, ALL BEERS ON TAP! ESPN GAME PLAN for all of your college football action!

SUNDAY: FAN-tasy FOOTBALL SUNDAYS, $3.00 Bud/Bud Light drafts ALL DAY LONG! (Check back tomorrow for NFL TV lineup)!


Have a great weekend!



NuFF said