Wednesday, December 19, 2007

WHAT I HATE ABOUT NEW YORK

Yesterday I was gushing with love for the city we call The Big Apple. The NEW YORK magazine's annual issue of "Reasons to Love New York" got me stirred up with good feelings about our city and they are valid feelings indeed. However, what a difference 24 hours can make.

While I trekked around the neighborhood, conducting my errands for the bar, I started noticing little things that annoyed me about NYC. For example:

1) The old homeless bitch of a woman who decided to use our stoop as her personal hotel. As a general rule of thumb, I usually feel bad for those who are down on their luck and have no problem donating things (money, food, clothing, etc.) to help someone in need. However, when I'm trying to get into and out of the building and you've draped yourself across the stoop, then chances are, you are going to annoy me. And when I ask politely for you to move and you call me an old black Jew and tell me to go to hell, then chances are I'm really going to get annoyed. And after the cops are called and you finally leave, only to come back 20 minutes later, smiling at me with your missing front teeth, then you can bet your dirty-assed last dollar, I'm going to be annoyed.

2) Non-tipping tourists. While it's great to see that the Euro is kicking ass and allowing Europeans to come here to spend them on IPODs, jeans, bootleg Coach bags and mucho entertainment, for the love of God, get with the program and tip once in a while!

3) That one old guy who plays about one hundred lottery numbers at about five minutes before draw break. I'm all about the "Dollar and a Dream" just like the next person, but I've already got it in my head what number I want to play, so I want to be in and out of the store, like yesterday. But no! If I find myself stuck in line behind that "one old guy", then it's virtually guaranteed that I will spend the next 20 minutes waiting for a chance to play. Old bastard.

4) The 24-Hour Deli with 48-hour bread. What is it about that 24-hour deli that they can't keep fresh food fresh? You would think with activity going on 24 hours a day, that they would be on top of things. Nothing worse than going into that certain neighborhood 24 hour deli, only to find stale bread, browned tuna fish and lox that's lost its customary pink color. Grrrr.....

5) Chicks who dress the same. Annoying!!!! I've always thought that New York City was the place that celebrated individuality. Apparently the women in Murray Hill didn't get that memo because everywhere I turn, the majority of the women of the neighborhood are decked out in Uggs or black calf-height boots, designer jeans or stretch pants purchased from Pookie and Sebastian, and those ridiculous Jackie Onassis sunglasses. Ladies, don't take this the wrong way, but please...... get a clue.

6) Metro Cards that don't work. How many times have you found yourself rushing to catch that oncoming #6 train, only to get blocked by a faulty Metro Card that won't swipe right. You don't know how many times I've jammed myself in the groin area when the turnstile wouldn't turn. Brutal.

7) Kips Bay Movie popcorn. It's bad enough they bang you out $4.50 for a bag of processed popcorn; but it sucks ass even more when you get back to your seat only to find that the popcorn is cold and stale.

8) Gristide's. God I hate shopping in a supermarket that always has that hint of cat-piss smell.

9) Whiny folks. I know that in a city of over 8 million people, you're bound to run into all types, but lately I've seem to run into more than my fair share of whiny folks. Piss and moan about this and that, over and over and over. Suck it up and grow a set already.

10) Last and certainly not least, CON EDISON construction work. My block has been infested with Con Ed trucks, doing work practically every night and day for what seems like years. What they are doing? I don't even think they even know at this point. All I know is that you can count on construction guys, steam pipes and annoying noise going on each and every day.

As much as these things annoy and sometimes even vexes me, I probably wouldn't trade those everyday experiences for anything in the world as they are part of the unique fabric we call New York City. It's part of what makes this city what it is. And a real New Yorker takes the good with the bad and simply rolls with the punches. And after all of these years, I like to think of myself as a true New Yorker, and quite frankly, I'm proud of that.


TONIGHT:

HOCKEY NIGHT in NEW YORK ($3.00 Molson Canadian Drafts, $3.00 Mixed Well Drinks for the ladies, and COORS LIGHT BUCKETS, 5/$15.00).

And for an added treat, REDSKINS GIRL (pictured on right, next to BABY GIRL) will be a guest bartender tonight, so swing by and show your support! I'm sure she'll love to see ya!



NuFF said