Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I TOUCH MYSELF? (long post)

Last night the staff and found ourselves dealing with a rather "unique" situation. Here's the scenario: Bar's pretty busy, most of the TV's are on baseball games. This guy comes up to the bar and snags the last chair at the bar. He then asks to see a basketball game. No problem. So I put one of the tv's behind the bar on an NBA telecast and all is well in the world. For now.

It's Dollar Draft Madness night, so of course, mugs of beer is the way to go. He's ordering a mug here, a mug there and next thing you know, he looks like he's getting drunk. Whatever. It is Dollar Draft Night. These things tend to happen. He's also going to the restroom a lot. Again, it goes with the territory.

However, as the night went on, I start noticing peculiar reactions from the people sitting around him. Next thing you know, FRENCHY comes up to me and says, "Yo, that guy in the orange's gotta go!". I look around to see who he's talking about and the only one that fits that description is the guy watching the basketball game. I ask him why and he gives me a weird look and walks away. So now I'm looking at the guy and he got a bit of a glazed-over look on his face, and his left arm is shaking a bit but no big deal.

A few minutes later, a female friend of BABY GIRL leans over towards me and whispers the unthinkable: "Um, I think this guy is playing with himself....". I look at her incredulously and then look back towards him and he's got that glazed over look again and looks around from time to time, all the while, that left arm is twitching again. WTF? I think the guy's actually beating off!

Now I have a dilemma (this kind of crap always happens on my watch): What do I do? What do I say? ("Hey buddy, are you wacking off in our bar?"). What if this guy just had a nervous twitch? What if he was indeed getting his rocks off? WTF?

Luckily, the guy did have a few in him and with that I used that as my excuse to get the guy out of the bar before he skeeved out anyone else. So I instructed the bartenders to cut him off and a couple of minutes later I had WANG, the doorman escort the guy out. He left without incident.

You can't make this stuff up. Seriously.


CHAMPIONS LEAGUE RE-PLAY

Yesterday's matches produced some exciting results, especially in the LIVERPOOL/CHELSEA match, and as a result we find CHELSEA and BARCELONA moving on to the Semi-Finals of the UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE competition. They will face each other in a home and home series beginning on April 28. This afternoon's matches features the following (and I promise to get it right this time):

FC PORTO vs MANCHESTER UNITED
ARSENAL vs VILLAREAL

Both matches begin at 2:30pm
$3.oo Bud/Bud Light/Coors Light/Miller High Life (12-5pm)

AND FINALLY:

Today we say goodbye to a good friend of ours. ARTIE, our day bartender is moving on. While he was only with us for a short time, he endeared himself to everyone who came in contact with him. A man armed with a wealth of knowledge, experience and history, he regaled us with stories about sports, New York City history and life experiences. The consummate bartender. While he is moving on, his presence will certainly be missed. If you are around today, make it a point to say goodbye to a dear friend.

IT'S TAX DAY! If you aren't running around attending Tea Parties to complain about the state of your taxes, you better make sure to file today! And stop by the bar afterwards to bitch about how much the government's taking a bite out your wallet!


DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE NY RANGERS PLAYOFF VIEWING PARTY TONIGHT @ 7pm!

Nuff Said