FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009

TALK ABOUT GETTING THE "HEISMAN"...

Last night started out innocently enough. We hosted a promotion for the LEINENKUGEL'S SUNSET WHEAT beer, a wheat beer with a strong, citrus, fruity flavor. The people in charge of the promotion had a very nice looking model giving out samples of the beer (which, by the way, was compared to "the milk of a bowl of fruity pebbles" among other things) and I do mean NICE. Of course, I didn't have my camera, which would come back to haunt me later in the night.

Something must have been in those Leinenkugel's because once the promotion ended, folks started acting loopy. More on that in a moment. The bar began filling up later in the night, thanks to a pretty good basketball game between BOSTON and CHICAGO. One that would last almost four overtimes. So between an extra long basketball game, free samples of some fruity wheat beer, and many shots later, we somehow found ourselves with a lot of shit-faced folks.

Within that time-frame, there were a lot of hook-ups taking place. No big deal. You get a few in you, strike up a conversation with someone of the opposite sex and next thing you know, you're playing tonsil-hockey in the Champagne Room. Happens all the time.

However, it's a whole another story entirely when the person you hook-up with turns into a raving nymphomaniac who practically tries to breast-feed you while you're making out with her... outside in front of the bar for the whole bar and 3rd Avenue to see, as was the case with this delightfully entertaining couple. The female, tall, blondish-brown hair with the face of butta. The male, about 4-5 inches smaller and your typical Murray Hill mope with a Napoleon Complex. The ideal couple.

They had been hanging out and hooking up throughout the course of the night, making out in the bar, on the stairwell, and finally outside when things really began to get hot and heavy. He'd lean against the window and she would practically pin him against the window, straddle him and he would literally pull out her boobs and begin going to town on her puppies as if he was a newborn baby. We all watched in horror as she mouthed sexual demands from the guy as if she was a dominatrix. It was like watching a car wreck.

This went on for about an hour until the unthinkable happened. When it got to the point when I was about to go outside and tell them to get a room, the woman suddenly stopped her dryhump-fest to come inside and grab her things (she must have known that I was coming outside to tell them to move on). As she walked to the back of the bar to get her stuff, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a guy sprinting down East 35th street. So I look out the front window and notice that the little fella wasn't out front. So I'm thinking to myself, "No he didn't..."

I walk outside just before the woman came out with her coat and bag and sure enough, the guy's nowhere to be found. I peer around the corner down East 35th street and off into the distance I see the little fella sprinting towards 2nd Avenue, as if he was being chased by a lynch mob. At the same time, the woman, who's now standing in front of the bar, is looking around for her little Romeo.

The little guy took off on her! The little shit gave her the Heisman and took off on her! At this point, everyone inside of the bar who'd been watching the whole thing unfold are cracking up uncontrollably. She's now at a loss as to what just happened and finally I told her that her friend went down the block. She made a face, shrugged her shoulders and came back inside.

Damm. You can't make this stuff up. Seriously.


More updates to come.


Nuff Said