Thursday, May 21, 2009

THE DEGRADATION OF SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT....

The last few weeks I've exhibited behavior that not only would make you shake your head, but in some cases, make your head spin. I've discussed at length the various cases of promiscuous behavior that has taken place within the confines of the bar. Hookups here and there, bizarre public displays of affection, etc. seemed to take place more and more, so much so that you couldn't help but to wonder if there was something in the water that was causing folks to act out like this. But what I witnessed yesterday defies logic and I swear to you, if I didn't have various witnesses to back up this story (most notably THE MAYOR OF MURRAY HILL), you'd thought I made the whole thing up.

It all started yesterday afternoon. I found myself having to fill in on a day shift last minute, so I was behind the bar, catching up on my emails, and placing orders, while talking to some of the afternoon regulars. One of the perks of working at our bar in the afternoon is the eye candy you encounter during the course of the day. Our bar is situated on a corner, and with the bar being surrounded by windows both on 3rd Avenue and East 35th Street, you get a bit of a "fishbowl" effect; meaning you have the luxury of having eye candy coming at you from all directions.

So as I took care of catching up on my paperwork, one of the regulars, THE MAYOR OF MURRAY HILL, suddenly shouted at the top of his voice, "Oh shit! Look across the street!".

I look up from my laptop, expecting to see another hot chick walking by. Instead, I don't see much of anything but the typical foot traffic walking about. "What am I looking at?" I remember saying.

"Dude, look across the street!" THE MAYOR screamed again, pointing across 3rd Avenue, towards PRECISION, the ladies boutique store across the street. Once again, I'm looking around, expecting to see a hottie walking about; instead I see a woman on her hands and knees on the ground. At first it looked as if she had fallen to the ground. Then I looked more closely and while she was on her hands and knees, she definitely had not fallen.

"Yo, is she doing what I think she's doing?" I asked, my eyes widening by the second. THE MAYOR said "HOLY SHIT! She is!!!"

And we both ran outside the bar and stood in front, looking shocked as we saw this woman, on her hands and knees with her pants and underwear pulled down to her ankles, masturbating wildly. There, I said it. This woman was for some inexplicable reason, going to town in front of everyone, stopping traffic in the process.

We both looked at each other speechless and in total shock. Was this really happening? Were we simply seeing a practical joke? WTF was going on? Not only were we stunned at what was taking place, so were the people in the boutique as well as the passersby walking directly by her. No one could believe what was happening.

This went on for about a minute or so when the woman suddenly stopped. She jumped up on her feet, pulled up her pants, fixed herself and simply walked away, as if nothing happened, much to the dismay of all of the shocked onlookers. She headed north towards D'Agostino's Supermarket and made it halfway up the block before she made a sudden u-turn and headed back down 3rd Avenue.

She crossed the street and stopped in front of PRECISION and stood there for a second before dropping to her knees again. This time, she kept her pants on and began shaking her head, like a barking dog. She did this for a few seconds before jumping up and heading down the block. When she reached Duane Reade Pharmacy on East 34th Street she again dropped to her knees and pulled the same stunt and kept doing it until the cops arrived and took her away.

Now as a longtime resident of New York, I can proudly say that I've seen enough in my day that practically nothing, and I mean NOTHING surprises or shocks me.


Except this.


Nuff Said