Wednesday, March 23, 2005 (pt.2)

A CONFESSION.....

I try to be as honest as I can when devoting time to the blog. What I see/hear are pretty accurate and I usually don't hold back when it comes to talking about myself. That being said, I ran into Mr. Tanqueray a moment ago and he asked for details about a sordid and embarassing incident that took place last night. An incident, had it happened to anyone else, I would have reported it like Dan Rather on the Iraq crisis; however, since it happened to me, I must have simply blocked it out of my mind...like a victim of a horrible crime.

Let me take you back to last night. It was a loud and festive setting at Third and Long. Music blaring in the background, groups of revelers taking in the vibe of the night, the scene was set for a good night. I see a couple of my regulars, Shaft the Leatherman and Frank Whyte (not their real names of course) hanging out at the bar. Coicidently, they were seated next to Madame X, who was in her own world as usual. I went over to greet the gentlemen. As a courtesy, I also extended a hearty greeting to Madame X (who has since warmed up to me and exchanges a few verbals every once in awhile).

Now, when I extended my greeting to Madame X, to be honest with you, I wasn't expecting any type of response from her at all, just the trademark snort and snicker that she is known for. So after saying hello, I turn to the gentlemen to continue our conversation. At that moment, she turns to me and says "why hello my darling", at which she then grabs my hand, caresses it, pulls me to her and gives me a kiss on the cheek! Visibly startled, I felt myself freeze up in shock-while at the same time, I can feel the heat of the stares from my comrades, who were laughing hysterically out of earshot. And if that wasn't enough to put a shock into the SwanFather, Madame X then does the unthinkable: She releases my hand and proceed to GOOSE me! Yes, Madame X grabbed the buttocks of the SwanFather. It wasn't a subtle squeeze of the cheek, mind you; more like a firm cup-like grab of the entire left cheek, much like you would grab a melon at the fruitstand to check for ripeness. And if that wasn't bad enough, yours truly let out an ear-splitting "YELP"; I didn't mean to do it, it just came naturally. Sounded like the sound a puppy would make when you hit it with a rolled up newspaper for making a mess on the floor. Yes, it was that bad.

I looked at my comrades who at this point, were literally rolling on the floor. A couple of bystanders looked on in mild amusement, not sure whether or not this was serious or a joke. Well let me tell you, it was serious business! Now I've never been in prison (i've watched every episode of OZ on HBO, that's about it), but if I could imagine the feeling of being a prison bitch, that would have been it. My defense mechanisms must have blocked out the whole experience b/c I totally forgot about it until it was brought to my attention today. And thus, I share it with you today.

Now you would think that having a chick grab your ass would be a flattering thing. But we are talking about Madame X here-that's a breed of a different color. It's not quite the same... So there's my story, sad but true. I was goosed by Madame X. May it never happen to you. And I promise, in keeping true to my blog, to report and not to hold back.

NUFF SAID