Wednesday, June 29, 2005

AMATEUR NIGHT...

Last night was a long (no pun intended) one at Third and Long. I'm not sure if it felt long because I worked a double, or if it had to do with the oppressive humidity from outside; or if it had to do with all of the knuckleheads that were either trying to get in with ridiculously bad I.D. or were already inside being jackasses. Or maybe it was the proverbial "all of the above"....

My day started with a visit from a gym teacher who celebrated her last day of class at the local elementary school. She was already at the bar at 11am, waiting for the SwanFather to open up shop. The G.T. was pumped up to start her summer by getting shit-faced with her colleagues; however, there was one small catch: her colleagues apparently didn't tell her of the change in venue and she ended up getting soused alone (not counting yours truly, of course). She was even hoping that the Afternoon Brew Crew would show up so that she could shoot the breeze with them, but they were a rare no-show. So guess who got to entertain her most of the afternoon..... *grrrr*

I should have known that the night was going to be a "fun" one when at about five thirty, three young-looking "interns" (for lack of a better term) came in for Dollar Drafts. One of the three came up to the bar to order while the other two quickly walked to the back of the bar. I asked all three for I.D., and while the first person was of age (barely), the second person gave me his I.D. and looked away (usually a dead giveaway). I looked at his "I.D." and it was one of those bootleg "NATIONAL DRIVERS LICENSE" with the state of Florida printed under it. I told him that this was no good and that he would have to leave. He and his "colleagues" left immediately, no questions asked. I usually get no resistance when they are nabbed like that....what are you going to say? "um, that's really me, I swear?" or "this is what they give us in Florida?".... I don't think folks realize that I was once underage and I bought the same "NATIONAL DRIVERS LICENSE" in Times Square too...

The night itself started out slower than usual. We really didn't get busy until about 9pm, which is late for Tuesday night. Then we got a big hit all of a sudden and we were pretty busy up until about 1am. There were a lot of "youngsters" out last night, as evidenced by the number of underaged folks I turned away.

THE LADY IN BLACK made an appearance last night with her new boy toy...and she actually threw me off by wearing something...non-black! She was sporting a crisp light blue top which went well with her newly-tanned skin. Ironically, MR. BLIND DATE showed up later in the evening, and he was none too pleased to see the woman of his obsession intertwined with another boy. He sat by me stewing and I did what I could to keep a straight face... NAPOLEON DYNAMITE showed up with his new lady friend, the SOUTHERN BELLE, and it began to dawn on me that this was slowly turning into Couples Night, in a weird sort of way.

We had a group of knuckleheads that we had to throw out towards the end of the night because they decided that it was okay to smoke inside of the bar. I was told that some folks were smoking in the back and when I went back to investigate the first time, I could smell hints of smoke, but I couldn't find the culprit....later in the evening I went back and practically half of the group were smoking so I told them that they had to go outside to smoke and they couldn't disrespect the bar by breaking the rules... so as they began to go outside, one of the guys apparently had a lit cigarette and was in no rush to put it out....which in turn, set off HIS BOY ELROY, who then launched into a tirade about his smoking and disrespecting of the bar and he turned into the Tasmanian Devil and began throwing people out. It was rather comical, especially in light of the fact that they were already leaving. I usually find it amusing to watch him when he gets into Tasmanian Devil mode- it's like his alter ego comes out and then it's "all hands on deck". It was a rather fitting end to a long night.

Tonight the MASTER THESPIAN will be making a special guest appearance behind the stick. The specials for tonight include $3 HEINEKEN/AMSTEL LIGHT drafts all night long. Oh and if anyone's seen ANGEL...send out an S.O.S.

NUFF SAID