Sunday, August 14, 2005

THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF SWAN AND JERRY...

It's a sweltering Sunday afternoon at SWAN headquarters and I am spending my afternoon watching NASCAR, while at the same time, playing mental chess with my newfound adversary, JERRY. Who's JERRY you might ask? Well, he's the new friend I happend to stumble upon on Friday night. He's a mouse. Now how I discovered him was somewhat embarassing enough; I had to run up to SWAN headquarters to make a "pit-stop", if you will. While I was conducting my business, I noticed via my superior peripheral vision something darting across the doorway. So with my SWAN-senses tingling (this usually happens when danger's nearby), I go to check out the situation....sure enough, this little F**** goes darting across the living room. So of course i'm pissed. One thing I hate is little JERRYS. I know that it's a New York City rite of passage to have an encounter with a least one JERRY in your lifetime; however, i've been there, done that. And dammit, I am definately not in a mood to deal with one now. My biggest problem with JERRY is that now that I know he's set up camp, I will become fixated with him until he is caught.

So I am at work on Friday night, simultaneously dealing with the happenings of the bar, while at the same time, sending out S.O.S. text messages to my roommate FRENCHY, who of course, laughs off the whole thing and calls me a pussy, which does nothing but vexes me further. After work, I run to Duane Reade and pick up some glue traps and begin setting up a glue trap bunker around the perimiter of my room. So now I sit and wait....and wait...and wait. All day Saturday I see no signs of him, so i'm secretly hoping tha the got the hint that the SWAN is no one to fool with and he retreats back to wherever he came from. But lo and behold, this morning, I'm banging away at the computer and out of the corner of my eye I see that little F*****, creeping under my computer desk. I stomp my foot and he leapt at least 6 inches off the floor before retreating along the walls and behind the bevy of storage boxes I have in my room.... So now I go and get more glue traps and place them around my room and the siege begins...I will wait that F***** out until.....whenever. I'll keep you posted.

I look at the calendar and realize that summer is almost over. That means FOOTBALL TIME! And of course, that also means that we'll be open again on Sundays. In a way it's a sad time for me b/c I no longer get to sleep in on Sundays; It's also a good thing, however, b/c my football family returns from their long vacation away from the bar. And I look forward to seeing everyone again. The TOUCHDOWN CLUB will be back up and running and my Fantasy Football League will embark on its fourth season. Should be a lot of fun.

That's it for the moment. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to place an ad on Craigslist for a cat.

NUFF SAID