Monday, September 12, 2005


I approached yesterday with the anticipation of a kid on Christmas morning, ready to run downstairs to open the gifts under the tree. It was the opening weekend of the National Football League, America's REAL pastime. It was also opening day for Fantasy Football Sundays here at Third and Long, which is usually an event on its own. Our Sundays usually goes beyond the viewing of various games; it's a ritual of bawdy jokes, simultaneous conversations, sexual innuendos, cosmo toasts, and god knows what else.

I should have known that this was going to be a crazy day when I began receiving text messages at 10am from NAPOLEON DYNAMYTE demanding that I open the bar at 12 noon on the dot. Apparently he and HASHBROWNIE had been taking bets on who would show up first. I finally arrived at the bar a bit after 11am to prepare for the day. The first Sunday is always a bit weird for me because i'm coming from a summer where I had Sundays off, so it takes a bit of time for me to get back on my game. That ended up proving a bit costly later in the day as I found myself feverishly trying to keep up with the hardcore drinkers by keeping glasses filled and cleaning them, on top of keeping up with all of the conversations and jokes and such. A few highlights:

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE was indeed the first customer of the season. He was decked out in a nifty suit- for some strange reason he decided that he would attend a wedding on the first day of football. We actually had bets on whether or not he would actually go to the wedding. UCONN FAN was a close second and HASHBROWNIE finally strolled in at third. There is a sense of pride for the diehards in being the first one to open the bar each week. Strange but true. They immediately began throwing back Bud Lights (well, except for HASHBROWNIE- she was still nursing a hangover from the night before). Things began to turn to the "darkside" when AFRIKA BAMBATTA arrived. He's usually the straw that stirs the drink, if you know what I mean. If there is any bantering taking place, chances are he's the one who's instigating the movement. And today was no different as he was constantly egging his fellow patrons on throughout the day, when he wasn't busy whipping napkin balls at my head while I was making drinks!
As the afternoon went on, the regulars continued to stroll in. ANGEL made her presence known in more ways than one; Then there was THE GOOD SAMARITAN, brushing off his "mackin" skills as he engaged in various conversations with different ladies (whilst in-between scoring plays by his dreaded PITTSBURGH STEELERS).

Then there GOLDIE and ANGRY BLACK. These two are the ying and the yang of the group. One's laid back and subduded, with an occasional outburst thrown in from time to time; while the other one can be loud, boistrous and "snarky", depending on who's pushing his buttons. We often find ourselves pulling pranks on the Angry One just to get his goat....why? Well, I guess because we can. An example of this took place yesterday. Another one of our flock members, T-BILL was in Miami, catching his beloved Broncos playing against the Dolphins. We had GOLDIE email him a note telling him that we missed him at the bar. T-BILL then emails us with a request to make ANGRY BLACK a "Cosmo". Now for those out of the loop- If you happen to get caught doing or saying something that is stupid or out-of-character befitting a true sports bar, then you have to drink a Cosmopolitan as a penalty. ANGRY BLACK in particular hates it when the bar buys him one, so now it's more out of habit to press his buttons than anything else. So imagine his chagrin when he came in from outside to see a freshly-minted Cosmo, complete with an umbrella.
He was none too happy at first (predictable), but he knew we were bustin his chops and he ultimately took it well.

Another highlight: The constant boob-grabbing/exposing that seemed to take place. Now while I am not at liberty to say who was grabbing what and who was exposing what; I can say that I was speechless. And it takes a lot to render me speechless. Must have been something in the beer.

Hey ANGEL, how do you like your pizza? Thin crust or Sicilian?

The whole day in itself was a total blur. If you were to ask me what happened during the games, I couldn't tell ya. It was that hectic and fun. Things finally started to wind down at around 8pm when the warriors of Sunday afternoon finally began to stagger home. It was at that point that I finally got to finish washing my glasses. What a day..... The best thing about it? Next week we start all over again. I can't wait.



Anonymous said...

I didn't eat ANY pizza. thank you very much.


I'll be there late next sunday. don't have any fun w/o me!

Anonymous said...

I feel confident there is a possibility for additional flashing Week Two

Anonymous said...

Enough about football and your crew - where did you find that incredible pair of silver tits at the bottom of the last picture?