Last night was one of those weird nights where the evening itself wasn't spectacular (not by a longshot, thanks to the deep freeze), but had a few memorable moments that stood out (for me anyways).
First of all, the "deep freeze" we were experiencing more or less chased everyone home to warmer digs because 3rd Avenue resembled a ghost town again. If you saw more than two or three people walking the sidewalks at any one time, that was a lot. Even the smokers were giving second thought to going out for a toke. As a result, the bar was pretty quiet, especially during the Happy Hour segment.
Things began to pick up at around 11pm, when a group of rather annoying JAP's (Jewish-American Princesses), came in the bar. They made their presence felt immediately with their whining, LOUD voices, as if they wanted to be the center of attention. Shortly after, small groups of people began to trickle into the bar and by midnight, we finally had a decent crowd.
Shortly after that, JON CUSACK, BEN AFFLECK, their homeboy STEELER NATION and STIFFLER made an appearance, and immediately made a beeline for the bar for their customary Miller Lites. Unfortunately for them (and us), they came across a bad batch of Lites and had to switch over to Bud Light. That must have done something to someone's dietary tract because next thing you know.... someone began to drop stink bombs as if they were in Bagdad or something.
SIDEBAR:
Flatulence (flat·u·lence) is the presence of a mixture of gases known as flatus in the digestive tract of mammals. Flatus is expelled under pressure through the anus, whereby, as a result of the voluntary or involuntary tensing of the anal sphincter, the rapid evacuation of gases from the lower intestine occurs through the anus, which, usually depending upon the relative positioning of each buttock, may or may not result in an audible crackling or trumpeting sound. This process also may or may not result in the emission of odour, which may or may not be deemed foul in character, resulting from the sensation of olfactory components such as skatole, indole, and sulfurous compounds.[1]
While the act of farting is generally considered to be an unfortunate (but sometimes intentionally contrived) occurrence in public settings, a fart may, in casual circumstances, be used as either a humorous supplement to a joke, or as a comic activity in and of itself. usually accompanied by a distinct odor and sound, a process known informally as farting, or as passing gas. The non-odorous gases are mainly nitrogen (ingested), carbon dioxide (produced by aerobic microbes or ingested), and hydrogen (produced by some microbes and consumed by others), as well as lesser amounts of oxygen (ingested) and methane (produced by anaerobic microbes).[2] Odors result from trace amounts of other components (often containing sulfur compounds).BACK TO THE STORY:
So imagine the reactions when the stink bombs began to fall. Now I'm not sure who within the posse was dropping them (I have an idea), but the faces that everyone standing around them were making were priceless. I even had a group of "macho" types come over to me, begging me to open the door to air the place out (yeah, I'll open the door when it's 10 degrees outside). It was awful!
We also had another surprise appearance from MEAN GENE, who was on his way home from work. He is currently working as a "sandhog", one of those guys who dig tunnels in order to build subways and such. He looks great; indicating that the hard physical labor has caused him to lose about 20 pounds. He of course, talked about his boys and their after-school pursuits. Says to send everyone his love.
Then there was the woman who was in from FRANCE, visiting a sick sibling. She's been stopping by the bar nightly since Sunday and I've had the "pleasure" of having to listen to her conversations, rants, etc. A nice enough woman, but kinda depressing with a very dry sense of humor. She's cool to talk to for about 10 minutes, then you find yourself wanting to beat your head into a brick wall. D-e-p-r-e-s-s-i-n-g.
And finally.. we've been getting a visit from this old guy lately. He's probably around 70 or so, walks with a cane and a cast on his foot. The first few times he's been in the bar, he walking about feebly, and at first glance, you can't tell if he's favoring his sore foot or if he's drunk. So you give him the benefit of the doubt. Next thing you know, you're catching him to keep him from falling, so you offer him a chair. Again, thinking that it's his foot. About 10 or 15 minutes later, his personality changes and he begins yelling and screaming at you and then it becomes obvious that the old guy's ripped. He's come in twice and the same scenario has taken place, albeit with different staff in place.
So last night I see him outside, trying to light up a cigarette and leaning against the window. He then begins to make his way towards the door. This time, I catch him outside and tell him he can't come in. He's clearly drunk and of course, he begins yelling at me, saying that he's an accountant, a respected member of the community and I can't treat him this way. Next thing you know, he turns around and stumbles towards JACKSON HOLE next door and ends up falling on his face when he tries to open their door. A drunken mess. Needless to say, he didn't get in there either.
FILE UNDER "WTF?":
I'm standing outside the bar (one of those rare moments) and I see a couple of cops coming out of one of the restaurants on the block. No big deal. Then I notice that they are leading out a little Mexican guy in handcuffs. Hmmmm. Weird. So I keep watching and they load the guy into a car and drive off. Interesting. Turns out, the guy was a delivery guy and he got arrested for running a red light on a bicycle, while making deliveries! What's up with that???
Overall, not the busiest night, but definitely not a boring one either.
PRESIDENT'S WEEKEND HAPPENINGS:
FRIDAY: After-Work Happy Hour (4pm-8pm): All beers, house wines and mixed well drinks, $4.00!
SATURDAY: "KICK the KEG" Saturday (12pm-8pm): $2.00 MUGS, all beers on tap!
SUNDAY: "CHILL- OUT SUNDAYS": $4.00 DOMESTIC DRAFTS, $5.00 mixed well drinks all day long! DAYTONA 500 and "BOOZE and BOARD GAMES" all afternoon (gentlemen- bring your dollar bills).
Have a great weekend!
nuff said
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