Top 10 Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Bartender

Came across this interesting little ditty on URBAN TAILGATE.COM. A good, quick read by Rebecca Geary.

Top 10 Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Bartender

February 23rd, 2007

Technically, I have been bartending since I was ten. I learned how to make my parents and their guests martinis at cocktail parties in the 80's. I don't know how appropriate it was, but I knew that "on the rocks" meant with ice, "dirty" meant olive juice, and "straight up" meant chilled, no ice, at a young age.

I have been bartending to make a living since 1995. There have been breaks here and there when I lived off my student loans or had a "real job", but somehow I always returned to bartending.

I like bartending. I like the flirtations, the witty exchanges between people whom you wouldn't usually meet, the stories, and, of course, the drinks. I like the power it gives you. And I like bars. How can I not? I'm Irish-American and was raised Catholic.

But I do have a few pet peeves that tend to get under my skin. And you want your bartender to be happy, right? Why would anyone want to piss off the person that is making them their cocktail? Okay, some people do. But for those of you who don't want slow service and possibly do want a free drink now and then, it might benefit you to not say these things to your bartender. Just a little advice. Take it or not. Also note, if you are a regular of mine and tip well, many of these rules can be broken. Never underestimate the power of a good tip.

1. I don't know what I want. Surprise me. I don't mind if it is slow and you ask for suggestions. But narrow it down a bit. Do you want a fruity drink? Whiskey, vodka? Surprise me means you are indecisive and don't care what you drink. If I knew what you drank, you would be a regular and then I would have already poured your drink.

2. Make it a good one. I'm a great tipper. I call this giving you The Verbal. Other versions of The Verbal involve a customer complementing, but not compensating the bartender. In my experience people who are good tippers, tip well. They don't tell you they will or do. I also, in my opinion, don't make any bad drinks.

3. Nice ass. Or comments of similar ilk. I don't hate compliments. Really. Compliment my intelligence or my drink. As a bartender you are on constant display. But that doesn't mean you need to make me uncomfortable or give other patrons the idea that it is okay to make similar comments. And it is just plain creepy sometimes. In the same vain, don't ask what time I get off. If I wanted to tell you when I get off you would know. Remember, there can be a fine line between stalking and flirting. If you are a regular and this is the repartee we have established over time, maybe then nice ass is okay in certain circumstances.

4. I'll have a beer, with no follow up. What bar serves only one type of beer? If you speak another language, then fine. If you are elderly, okay. This one may be a little nitpicky, but sometimes it drives me nuts.

5. Why don't you add some liquor to it this time? I can never believe this one. Granted, some bar owners are very strict about the amount of liquor a bartender is allowed to pour in a drink. But if this is the case, then one, it isn't the bartender's fault, and two, being snide won't help. Be polite and ask if I can make it a little stronger. Unless I am in London where there is an automatic stop to a pour, I can make your drink stronger even if I am not supposed to.

6. I'm broke. How much for a beer? If you can't afford a drink and a tip, drink at home. Enough said.

7. I just got divorced and have a restraining order against me and I really need a drink. I know, sounds crazy. But it happened to me twice, on the same day. Patron A. said it first and Patron B. said "Really, me too." Probably a scenario that will never happen again, but my point is don't tell your bartender too much immediately. It makes me not want to return to ask if you want another.

8. Can't I get a smile with that? Or Why are you in such a bad mood? I think some people like to put people in bad moods. If that is you, then you suck. If you are not one of those people though, then don't start your day or evening with me on negative terms. I'm usually in a fine, even great mood until someone approaches me that way. So don't.

9. A whistle, snap, or "hey you". This never ceases to amaze me. But people do it all the time. I am not a dog and it's rude.

10. Can I get a free drink? (or buyback) Plain and simple, if you ask, you will never get a free drink.

In closing, be nice and tip your bartender. The more you tip, the less you will spend in the long run. And you're at a bar, what reason do you have not to be nice?

Rebecca Geary