Saturday, September 24, 2005

ANOTHER NIGHT IN BIZARRO LAND...

Friday night was what I would term "bizzare", even by Third and Long standards. Going into the night, I was hoping for a better turnout as opposed to the night before. With the weather being nice and all, the conditions were perfect for a good night out.

To begin with, I'd gotten quite a few calls on my cell phone from some of the regulars, complaining that the bar was really warm. I thought that it was odd, seeing that weather was breezy and relatively cool. So I tried to call the bar to instruct MEAN GENE on how to turn on the AC, but the phone kept ringing and ringing. I didn't quite know what to make of it, so when I finally arrived, the first thing I noticed that the bar was indeed warm; the AC was off and while the windows were open, there was no breeze to cool the place off. So I turned on the AC and closed some of the windows to cool things off. I then went behind the bar and looked at the phone and there were all these lights flashing, like a slot machine. I picked up the phone and there was no tone. Very strange. So I unplugged the phone and disconnected the line; gave it a good SWANFATHER shake and then plugged it up again. Next thing you know, it's working fine. Odd indeed. That was the least of the strange happenings.

As the bar began to fill up, the patrons really began to put the pints away. BLONDE CHATTERBOX and FDNY CALENDAR BOY were kept busy throughout most of the night. A group of guys were hanging out near the front of the bar and while they seemed nice enough, they were starting to get loaded; loaded to the point where they began doing the "frat-boy tussle"- you know what that is: where the guys start to bump into each other and play wrestle. It's cool to them and annoying to everyone else. One guy in particular was so wasted that when he went to grab a table to keep from falling, he ended up falling anyways, bringing the table full of drinks with him. Idiot. So you know he was a goner. See ya. It gets better.

There were these two young ladies who came into the bar. They seemed pretty nice; definately looked like they had a few cocktails beforehand, that's for sure. The girls take a seat at the end of the bar and order drinks. No big deal. I soon turn my focus on a group of people near the front of the bar to see what they were doing, when I suddenly feel my arm being tugged. I turn and it's my barback SULLY T. He's frantically pointing towards the end of the bar and immediately I think there's a fight. I look towards the back of the bar and I don't see any comotion. He asked if I saw "it". I asked him what he was talking about and as I asked that question, I see the two young ladies making out at the bar. HELLO! So I watch the two make out and then invite a guy to join them. So for the next 20 minutes or so, the girls are making out with each other, with the guy next to them, and eventually retired to the ladies room. SULLY T decided that it would be a good time to check on the toilet paper situation in the ladies room, but by then, the ladies grew tired of providing a show for the bar and eventually left. You can't make this stuff up.

Later in the evening SULLY T comes up to me again. This time, he asks me what the policy was for breaking up a potential catfight. I asked him what he was talking about, and once again he pointed towards the back of the bar. This time, there's a group of girls who were sitting in the back lounge area, having words with a couple of girls who had been hanging out at the bar w/FDNY CALENDAR BOY. I rushed back to where the girls were and got in between them and eventually ushered out one group (who happened to be leaving anyways). What the arguement was, I couldn't even tell you, but it would have been a doozy of a catfight, had it gone off.

The evening finally ended, thankfully, with no one hurt and with the bar having a pretty good night. I wonder, was there a full moon tonite or what?

NUFF SAID.